Tuesday, February 19, 2008


Guys are the most none complex species in the world so why is it that i don't have one
well insecurity is one, lying that's another,and being scared as hell of any guy who looks my way
and in result of that i get a 30 year old man who has a son ,has a lazy eye and dosen't have a lisence lol now this is not a man i'm talking to be he's trying to talk to me but the thing that gets me i had an amazing guy who really liked me well i thought he did and i lied to him ( i meet him on facebook by the way) and he told me that if i didn't look the way i did he would still love me ,
now here's the tricky part it wasn't a picture of me it was a picture of emanuela de paula a brazilian model . i was trying to be safe i didn't know if he was a serial killer or not so that was my mask but then it started to become my identity because for the first time ever somebody called me pretty and it felt good , i knew it was going to be hard to tell him that it wasn't me . But i did tell him and he was upset and then said i don't care what you look like i love you for you ( yes he said love!!!) and that made my heart sink into my chest but i was so scared that i put up a picture of another model *smh* and he believed me im such a dumb ass and for the next couple months it continued to be on the phone for hours on in talking about everything and the sun and even fall asleep on the phone until November 2 , 2007 when i told him the truth i told him who i really was and that was the last time i talked to him :( we really don't talk anymore i wish we would i really miss him

but anyway that was then this is now i realize in 2008
i love me, i like my style , i like cussin sometimes, i like sex more than i should,i like that i think like a guy sometimes, i like that i don't give shit sometimes to, that's why in the 2008 my motto is Fuck it oh well ;)


allienicole said...

amen girl! i used to be REALLY insecure, heck i still am sometimes...but as cliche as it sounds once you love you for you...the way you look, think, whatever...IT SHOWS! and the men comes running! i say this from personal experience.

but yea, f the bamas! you are too good for em!

Yanna Beau said...

CHRUCH! you have to love you first! I think people not just men, want to be around people that are confident and secure, it makes us feel safe. And what's great is once you are comfortable in your own skin and secure you don't care what others think! life is a much more pleasant place. You don't have to live up to any super model image girl! God's peace to you sis :)

kiki said...

thanks allienicole and yanna beau ...i love your blogs

you both give good advice man 2008 ive changed so much since i posted that ive just been like whatever ...like im to fly to be worried about the little stuff but now im making the big leap to move to NY I just need a change ...and plus DC guys ain't shyt foreal